Understanding Giftedness:
When my son, Sam, was ten years old and excluded from his third primary school, he accompanied me to university lectures. My "difficult" son showed that he instantly saw mathematical patterns that we undergraduates were learning about for our secondary school teaching course. This moment crystallised everything I'd experienced in my own school years—the same intensity, the same questioning mind that needed to go at its own pace, the same rejection by systems that couldn't accommodate difference. Watching Sam be celebrated for his brilliance in that lecture hall, after years of being punished for it in classrooms, revealed how catastrophically our educational systems can fail to understand giftedness.
Beyond High IQ Scores
Giftedness isn't about scoring well on tests. It's a neurological difference that creates complexities, intensities and sensitivities that can be both a gift and a burden. At nine years old my son, Sam, could solve GCSE level mathematics in his head, yet had been labeled "disruptive" for questioning why he had to show working for problems he could see instantly.
“Its just a simple sum like six fours and I have to draw twenty-four houses.”
“At sixteen, Sam would arrive to class with his dark curls all dishevelled and a biro in his pocket, borrow some paper from a friend, tip his chair back to the point of perfect equipoise then banter his way through each lesson. Somehow, he would still take everything in and pass every assessment with flying colours.”
“Sam’s talent and insight at physics was extraordinary.”
When Intensity Meets Inflexibility
Sam struggled in large, noisy groups of children and often reacted poorly when there were too many sensory inputs at once—the chaos of school assemblies, crowded playgrounds, or unexpected changes in routine would send him into defensive mode.
He felt injustice intensely—he couldn't bear it when things seemed unfair or when he saw other children being treated poorly. His anger at his exclusions wasn't just about himself but about the fundamental unfairness of the system. He found hypocrisy intolerable.
What I've learned through both research and heartbreaking experience is that gifted individuals often experience what psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski called "overexcitabilities"—heightened responses that can manifest as:
High energy and need for movement (Sam could never sit still)
Sensory sensitivities (certain textures, sounds, or lights can be overwhelming)
Intense imagination (rich inner worlds that seem disconnected from reality)
Relentless questioning (the "why" that never stops)
Deep emotional responses (feeling injustice or others' pain intensely)
These traits are neurological differences, not behavioural problems requiring correction.
The Trauma of Being "Too Much"
Educational trauma develops when children repeatedly hear that their authentic selves are wrong. Sam was told to "calm down," "sit still," "do it this way." Each message reinforced that who he naturally was and the way he naturally needed to learn wasn't acceptable.
Schools mistake intensity for defiance, sensitivity for weakness, and complex thinking for non-compliance. When we force gifted children into one-size-fits-all systems, we create lasting wounds that persist long after they leave those classrooms.
The ‘Spiky’ Learning Profile
Many gifted children also have specific learning difficulties that mean their abilities in different subjects are very different in level. Sam was dyslexic and struggled to write and hated writing with a vengeance yet he could understand physics and maths with very little effort.
Recognition and Healing
Healing begins with understanding that the problem was never with the child—it was with systems designed for a narrow definition of "normal." Whether you're carrying these wounds yourself or watching your child struggle, know that their intensity is not a flaw to be fixed but a difference to be understood and nurtured.
For comprehensive resources on giftedness and overexcitabilities, I recommend Jennifer Salin's work at InterGifted.com, which offers invaluable insights into the complex inner world of gifted individuals.