I would like to tell you a bit about where my inspiration came from for my work with bereaved parents.
Other parents reached out to me
When I lost my son I remember that, even before his funeral, someone offered to put me into contact with another bereaved parent who was offering support. At the time I was too overwhelmed to even think straight and I said , "No." to this generous offer.
Then, I received a letter from a woman who I knew and she told me that she had, many years ago, lost an older child in similar circumstances and she offered her support. I really appreciated this and it helped on some level to hear someone acknowledging what a huge deal it was, to lose a child.
I also remember, around the time of the inquest, that another bereaved parent, I didn't know at all, who had read about what had happened in the local paper, wrote me a lovely letter and to tell me about The Compassionate Friends. I was so touched that this woman had taken the trouble to connect with me in this way.
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) , which I know some of you will be members of, is a brilliant organisation for bereaved parents and siblings of children who have died. I didn't contact the TCF at the time as I had a therapist to talk to and found it difficult to imagine how the TCF might be able to help.
Then I met some other parents
It was after about two years that I decided to join a local workshop for bereaved people. I don't remember much about the content of this workshop but I do remember three of the people I met that day.
As the small group of about ten people introduced themselves, one at a time, some struggling to speak without voices breaking, I heard from three other mothers. Three other mothers had also lost sons aged 19: the same age as my son. So all four of us absolutely knew so much of what the others were experiencing.
A community of mutual support and understanding
The three mothers I met introduced me to the TCF online forum where they had met and I joined it too. For a long time this was a hugely important part of my life. I felt as if this was the only place where I could be honest about how I was without creating panic or discomfort in other people. I could laugh with friends without any of us forgetting for one second about the pain inside and also cry with friends without ever being asked not to be sad.
For a time, the only place I felt truly able to be myself was with other parents who shared this profound experience of the loss of one or more of their children. We were each able to lean into the support of the group and also to be part of that support for others. That sense of mutual support is where the inspiration for my work lies.
I developed deep connections with a small number of the parents in the forum and these became an important part of my life after the loss of my son.
The first pillar of my work with bereaved parents is connection and community.
My hope is that, through the After the Storm you will establish some of those close connections with the potential to support and hold you. My intention is to create our own community which will be a personal resource for each member.
I would be so pleased to hear from you if you have any comments or ideas. Thank you so much for reading.