Would you like to be able to work out how to find your way forward after the sudden and traumatic loss of a teenage or young adult son or daughter?
I am creating a community for us and putting together some resources and workshops that might help you to work out where you are and what to do next.
I'm Davina and my 19 year old son died suddenly in 2004 and my whole life changed overnight. I have learnt a lot about what works for me and what doesn't.
Many other bereaved parents have shared their experiences with me about what has helped and supported them.
I want to help you to find out what is likely to work for you to help you find your way in your life without feeling as if you are leaving your child behind.
Does your life feel as if it is in two very separate pieces; before your child died and after they died?
Do you wear a mask out in the world so that no-one really knows how you are?
Does it feel as if no-one understands how it is for you so that you feel alone in your grief?
Do people avoid mentioning your son or daughter in case they ‘upset’ you?
Do you struggle with family occasions, birthdays and anniversaries, not really knowing how to mark them or even dreading them?
Do you worry that you are leaving your child behind as time passes?
Maybe you want to…
Develop some strategies for being present to the thoughts and feelings that you experience without getting overwhelmed.
Work out how to include your daughter or your son in family occasions and gatherings in ways that are OK for you.
Reflect on your current relationship with your child and how to stay connected with them.
Communicate with your partner, family and friends about your needs (and theirs too) around your son or daughter.
Be confident that you are not taking up too much space when you want to talk about your child or your experience.
Feel less isolated from the other people around you and be able to put down the mask you wear to go out in the world.
“It seems as if only other parents who have experienced a loss like mine are ever going to understand how it is for me.”
— MOTHER OF P. AGED 15
“You need to do whatever it is that you need to do—there is no right way to do this.”
DAVINA 2020
“Talking with other bereaved parents I realised that all our lives are different than before and that part is OK—the other part will never be OK.”
— FATHER OF J. AGED 19
“When I first came to see you I thought I should be over the crying by now and it was such a relief to find out that isn’t true and that there is nothing wrong with me. I still cry a lot but now I laugh a lot too.”
MOTHER OF C. AGED 24
Join the new After the Storm Community as one of the founder members
The After the Storm community is coming soon. Sign up here to put yourself on the waiting list for the new community where you will be able to connect, learn and access support. You will then receive our emails with all the latest news and information.
Yes please, put me on the waitlist.
Through my workshops and courses you will be able to connect with other people who share similar experiences to you. Working individually and in small groups you will have the opportunity to develop some practical, personal strategies for living life with profound loss and with a strong connection to your son or daughter.
All workshops and courses include a dedicated private space for participants to communicate and share experiences, if they choose to do so.
In the one-day workshop you will have the opportunity to…
Better understand the possible impact of your experience on you mentally, emotionally, physically and maybe spiritually.
Explore how cultural and family norms and expectations can make it difficult for you to have sufficient space for your feelings and reactions.
Identify some of what you need and and practice communicating this to others.
Consider what changes might support you more effectively and make a personal plan to include these in your life.
One-day online workshop for parents who live with the traumatic loss of a son or a daughter.
Date: Sat 13th Feb 2021
Time: 10 am to 3 pm
Max no. in group: 10
Cost: £60
One hour break between 12.00 and 1.00 pm.
YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR GROUP FOR PEER SUPPORT AND TO USE THE RESOURCES IN THE TOOLBOX AFTER THE CLOSE OF THE WORKSHOP
YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE ONE MONTH’S FREE ACCESS TO OUR NEW EXCLUSIVE ONLINE COMMUNITY SPACE.
THIS WORKSHOP IS FOR PARENTS WHO HAVE LOST A TEENAGE OR YOUNG ADULT CHILD MAYBE A YEAR, OR LONGER, AGO. IT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR RECENTLY BEREAVED PARENTS.
Is this the right step for you?
You might be wondering if this could be the right next step for you. I expect that the people who will benefit from my work will be at very different starting points in terms of the time scale of their loss and their personal circumstances. Those who will benefit most will share a willingness to engage with some challenging ideas, and possibly even some unexpected ideas, and to really consider what’s right for them. They may also be people who may have become isolated in their grief and who want to benefit from connecting with other people who share a similar experience.
I don’t know what is right for you, it’s taken me sixteen years to get to understand much of what’s right for me and I still make mistakes! But I do know that the journey we all need to make is to step closer to a way of living where more of what we do and more of who we spend time with are right for us.
Is this the right time for you?
My rule-of-thumb is that you should be a year, or longer, into this journey to benefit from my work. This is based on evidence from many bereaved parents that the first year is unimaginably difficult and focusing on anything more than getting through the days and weeks is probably too difficult to do. The second year can be as difficult as the first and, in some ways, even more difficult. If you have been fortunate enough to get the right level of support then you are likely to have resolved some of your trauma responses by now and perhaps having a little more choice about when you get overwhelmed. But none of this is necessarily so.
As I am sure you are aware, suffering a profound loss does not make you immune to other challenges in life, some of them huge. That was something I was pretty indignant about for a long time—that simply isn’t fair. So, another consideration is—what else is going on in your life right now. You need to be able to focus on this workshop and give yourself enough time and self-care around it to be OK with it.
You are the best judge of whether you feel ready to consider and explore learning to live with what has happened. If you are in doubt do not hesitate to get in touch to discuss the possibilities. I will take care to help you to make the right decision for you about joining one of my courses.